This past week I attended the Woodstock Fruit Festival. This was a raw vegan event, mostly for followers of the 80-10-10 diet. This diet is new to me, but I love vegetables and being athletic, so I was confident that I would fit right in! I am in a space where I have more time than money, so I contacted the event producer and asked if there were any work exchange positions available.
There was a last minute position - driving a truck full of watermelon from Delaware to the campsite in upstate New York. Have I ever driven a large truck before? No, but I have driven a race car once. Have I ever been to Delaware? No, that’s what my GPS is for! I was determined to attend the festival, and I was willing to accept this adventure. Secretly, I was thrilled! Growing up in the most rural of environments, two hours outside of a small town in South Dakota, I always wondered what it would be like to drive those huge trucks that I watched on the highway. Here was my chance to find out.It was supposed to be a 12 hour trip, but after 2 night and 3 days of mayhem and miracles, I arrived at the Woodstock Fruit Festival with 8,000 lbs of watermelons, and 2 passengers (including Paul Izak, whose music you can enjoy below)
That is only part of the story. The “YAY! You go girl! Be adventurous and test your limits” part. The part where I am share a picture on Facebook and Instagram and boost my ego as I watch the likes roll in.
It’s the part that is easy to share.
On the way back from the festival, I didn't drive the truck I was supposed to drive.
I bailed at the last minute.
I was scared - it was way bigger than the other truck. I was nervous - and my passenger was nervous too. I was feeling pressured - because I didn't want to go back on my word and I didn't have an alternative ride.
There are two types of fear energies. The first motivates you go and the second warns you to stay. The go energy pushes you towards your greatness. The stay away energy warns you of dangers.
What does it look like? What does it feel like? How do you know which is which?
Identify which type of fear you are feeling by listening to your body and mind:
1. Listen to the whispers of your mind
Witnessing the thoughts of your mind can be an easy way to see what your subconscious is really up to. When you have fear-based thoughts, it is easy to go into judgement mode - judge yourself or judge the situation, instead of just accepting the thought. The way your mind forms questions can be a good indicator to what you should do. Try and witness without judgement the form your thoughts come in - doubtful or ominous?
- Stay thought - I had a thought that morning - A scary thought - so frightening that I pushed it out of my head as soon as I took it in. I was laying in my snug one-person tent, wondering what pants to wear: ‘Should I put on my yoga pants for the 5th day in a row, or should I switch it up with some jeans?’ Then my mind went to -
“Do you really want to die in jeans?”
Immediate judgment mode: I thought, ‘WTF! What does that even mean? Why would I have a morbid thought like that? Ew - No- happythoughts happythoughts… Yoga pants again today!’
I remembered this thought later in the day. While sitting in the drivers seat of the truck, as a friend was showing me all the buttons and giving me some tips on driving, the confusion and judgment of my previous thought entered my mind.
- Pursue your greatness thought - I wanted to go to the festival and I was nervous about driving a truck in a new location. But what if I never did this? What is the risk of not doing it? My mind was full of possibilities. I planned out the trip and I was excited to take this risk.
2. Feel the positioning of your body
Your subconscious works through your body. Think about it - Have you ever realized that you are sitting the same way or doing the same little thing with your fingers as the person you are talking with? Your body uses non verbal communication to talk to other people, and to talk to you!
- Stay away feeling - chest tightening and forget to breath. Your body is closing you off, shutting you down, trying to protect you.
- Pursue your greatness feeling - chest tightening and you remember to breathe calmly. Your body is expanding into possibilities to open up your mind.
Just like I had to listen to myself to tell me to jump into the drivers seat and go, I had to listen to know when to jump out and stay.