I am having a WTF day.
Everything seems to be a circle.
Emotions travel in waves, people come in and out of my life, situations seem to never end, and themes resurface. The painful lessons that I learn over and over come back to me, and I feel like I am starting from square one. "I just just making this decision a few months ago… why am I back here again?"
It's the circle of life.
Flashback to 1994 when the Lion King was released and 8 year old Karla decided that Simba was her alter ego.
“Ohhh I just can’t WAIT to be KING!!!!”
is still my theme song and the circle of life lessons from that move still ring true.
The antelope eat the grass, the lions eat the antelope. When the lions die, their bodies become part of the Earth and grass is created. Such is life.
Things keep circling back into my life. I have to make the same choices over and over. My emotions and up and down and up and down. Things come at me in waves, and I have seen all my current problems before.
I have been searching for an apartment since March. I have moved 3 times.
I have been making a career pivot for years, with countless jobs along the way.
These things keep appearing in my life, like lessons that I keep learning. I feel like I am inside a game of pinball. Making decisions as the ball shoots from one edge to the other, closer to my goal, but making some rough realizations and hitting what feels like a hard stop and pivot along the way.
Some people are fast learners. They get a life lesson, like a stubbed toe or a whisper in their ear, and they get it. Lessons are not always learned with a slammed door. They accept the lesson, possibly grieve for what is lost, give thanks, and move on.
Sometimes I am one of these smart people.
Not this time. Not for the past few months.
I am ready to learn and grow. I am ready to truly listen to my heart and soul, so that my decision are a natural expression of my true self. Hopefully, no harsh intervention by my soul will be necessary.
I’ll start right after mercury retrograde ends on October 25th
Just kidding! Mercury retrograde is a good time for reflection.
It is not an excuse.
Here are a few things I am doing to feel better today!
1. Simply BE how I feel.
For so long I have been so uncomfortable with negative emotions. Accepting how I am feeling right now is powerful. By suppressing my negative feelings, I am giving it energy. Negativity has a purpose, and it is just an energy that can be transmuted into any other type of energy.
2. Transfer Energy.
I want to accept how I feel, and move the energy out and to something more productive. The only way out is through! Yes, being sad has a purpose, but how can i best express how I really feel? Today I am going to cry, journal, and take a yoga class.
3. Tell people how I feel.
I need to create a community of people around me who can support me, know that I am extra sensitive right now, and help to uplift me. It is hard for me to express negative emotions because I want to be a good girl: happy and pretty and perfect. But I am not, I have bad days and bad weeks, and that is ok. I am not talking about the pity-committee. I am talking about my gang of light warriors who are ready to listen, empathize, and help me sit with my feelings.
I hope this helps you through your WTF days! What is your WTF day routine? Comment below!
Peace, Love, Sat Nam
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